My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
