yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
