Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
