Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize