She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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