there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
