She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
