I met the friendliest cop last night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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