If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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