Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
