Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
