A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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