I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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