I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am spending my child support on dildos
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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