I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize