I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
