he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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