We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
