He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
