filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
