Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
