thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
