We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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