My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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