DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
