i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
