im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do vagina's smell?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize