i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
