dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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