you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
