Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
