White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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