How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
