Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
