All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
COCAINE IS GR8
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
