Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
