You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
