I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
