people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
