I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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