to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
