Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
