If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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