My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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