My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
