i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
