speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
