alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
