I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
