It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
