Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
