I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
