Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
