OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Be still, my beating vagina.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
