I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
