You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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