In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
