just tell him i said nine months
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
