this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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