i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
