Where is the hickey?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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