When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
