Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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