i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
