i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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