so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
