How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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